Drama Queen
by SleepyShuffle
Summary: Sasuke has to pass his Drama exam, he has 20 minutes to change costumes for the next scene. Or the whole Drama performance goes up in smoke. Rated T for swears xD Humour based.  God awful summaries FTW...


**Summary; **Sasuke has to pass his Drama exam, he has 20 minutes to change costumes for the next scene. Or the whole Drama performance goes up in smoke.

**Notes; **It was originally going to be a chapter for One Way Or Another. But it got too long XD So yeah, it's not related to One Way Or Another fic in any way really. I mean it contains the same characters and stufff but still... #ahem# I don't own anything. Apart from Rye. We're cool now Koei? Oh yeah special thanks to xXCoco-HimeXx, ProKitty202 & Somniyo...you guys are awesome inspirational friends XD

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><p>"Okay everyone off the stage! Time for scene five!"<br>I quickly ducked out of the way as Rye flew past me, wobbling slightly in these stupid stilettos. I frowned focussing all my energy into getting myself balanced again before sighing in relief, leaning against a wall as many actors and assistants flitted past me.

I bent down and rubbed my heels a little because these shoes were freaking _killing _me. I'm so glad that scene was over…I don't want to walk another step…I cannot understand how Kasuga can wear these things…although…she doesn't look half bad when she's all dolled up…

"Oi! What do you think you're doing?" I jumped a little in shock as somebody burst my fantasy day-dreaming and turned to see Motonari stood with a clip-board in hand glaring at me with crossed arms.

I grinned a little, just knowing that I was making him stressed out put a smile on my face. Why? Well…I guess I just like annoying people.

"Hey Mouri, the show's going great, don't you agree?" I said moving towards him. He quickly moved forward and pushed me back slightly causing me to flail my arms to stop falling.

"Sasuke, you need to be changed and ready for the next scene in 20 minutes. I do not want you fucking up again." he said with his eyes dangerously narrowed.

"Have you seen the size of these heels? I'll be lucky if I even make it back to the changing rooms _alive_! Never mind in 20 minutes. Geez, just chill already I've got plenty of time…" I explained pointing to the black strappy heels I've been forced to wear. Motonari just narrowed his eyes even more and I was becoming scared that soon he'd narrow them so much they'd get stuck like that….I tried to hold in laughter seeing an image of Motonari stuck with permanent shut eyes, like Brock off Pokemon…

I saw Mouri open his mouth to ask just what I was laughing about, when we both turned our heads at the sound of somebody laughing even louder than me.

"Sasuke, what the hell are you wearing?", Motochika asked with the biggest Cheshire cat grin on his face I'd ever seen. "You look completely ridiculous!" he said before bursting into another fit of laughter, clutching his stomach and occasionally opening his eye to get another glance…before falling about laughing again.

I pulled on the hem of the French maid dress and frowned at him, "It was for the sketch God damn it!" I snapped folding my arms, then quickly adjusting my headgear because it had fallen onto my face.

"Sure…sure…whatever…" he said…wait did he actually _wipe a tear_ from his eye? …I know I must look stupid but come on…I glanced in a nearby mirror. See…I'm not _that _bad…hang on…what I am saying?

"Motochika, you are not allowed backstage." Motonari spat in a clear sinister voice, beginning to advance on him with a predatory stance.

Motochika looked surprised at Motonari, "Oh I didn't see you there!" he said, eyes widening in horror. "I was…just leaving anyway…I only came back here for some cables!" he said holding up a handful of wires that I hadn't noticed before. "Wouldn't want to fuck things up for you…again"

Then an animalistic grin flashed across his face, "But damn Mouri…I'd rather see _you_in that lacy dress any day…" he said, jumping out of the way before Motonari landed a killer blow to his skull.

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" a crimson Motonari yelled, chasing after a laughing Motochika, through the crowd of backstage actors and assistants who always seemed to congest the corridors. I just grinned, it really was too cute…

My eyes drifted over a clock…17 minutes till the next scene where for some reason I have to be dressed as a stereotypical alien wearing farmers clothes…I really wish the Drama students would have written more inspirational plays. Someday…they'll pay for this…stupid immature students…

And so I began my long and tiresome journey across the sea of actor/actresses. Limping with these cruel weapons of torture on my feet, I didn't care though, I mean who's going the judge me for how I walk? I'm not fucking monarchy…

Wait. I'm not even female. This cross-dressing must really be getting to my pretty little head.

…

See what I mean?

When I finally made it to a changing room I locked the door and began to take off the ridiculous ensemble. I ripped off the weird headband thing, chucking it into the corner with distaste, ruffling my hair back to how I liked it.

Next were the lace black gloves, they were soooooo annoying and kept catching on everything from finger-nails, to table corners. Hell they'd probably catch on air particles if you tried hard enough. The gloves went into the pile.

The choker around my neck was incredibly difficult to take off…Rye had double knotted the bow for some ludicrous reason. I remembered her telling me; _"There you go! It's not going to fall off now!"_

I tugged on the ribbon, feeling myself becoming stressed out. "Thanks a lot Rye, now it's never going to come off…" I muttered to myself. Deciding to take the choker off later.

I sighed in pure satisfaction when I removed the shoes, sticking my foot in the air and moving my toes one by one. This…truly was a beautiful moment…freedom had finally arrived…however there was no time to bask in the glory of having feet again.

I took off the hold-up socks next, running a hand along my smooth shaven legs.

Hey.

Don't judge me, I was asked by the Drama council to do it. They said they needed it for the sketch! …also they said if I didn't do it they'd find another actor. What choice did I have?

…okay. Maybe I should've refused, it doesn't seem a very…uhhh…masculine thing to do…But then again, I'm not the most masculine guy you'll ever meet.

I shrugged, standing up checking my clothes were actually hanging against the door before reaching round the back of the dress for the zip. I got it undone a little…

When it got stuck.

Being a guy I didn't know anything about all the techniques you can use to get a dress zipper undone, despite what you might think about my weird feminine tendencies…

Rye is going to tell me the simple method of zipping it up again slightly and pulling the zip down again to free it, when I tell her this story.

…come to think of it…if I'd tried it…it might have worked.

Anyway, since I didn't have any idea of how to undo a zipper dress from your own back. I panicked and stumbled out of the changing room.

Right into utter chaos.

Everyone was literally _sprinting _in the small corridor now in Congo lines as far as I could see.

I checked the clock. 12 minutes till the next scene…and I still had my French maid's make-up on…

"Excuse me! Could anybody lend me a hand?" I asked.

"Just quickly? It'll take like two seconds!" I repeated as everyone completely ignored me and kept moving and talking.

"Fine!" I yelled at the sea of people, shaking my fist like an old man and moved back into the changing room.

I sighed and sat down on the chair, when I noticed Rye's pencil case was on the dressing table from when she started to correct the stage directions earlier tonight. That's right, we had to correct our script _on the day _of the performance. If you hadn't guessed, we're not very professional here in our school Drama team.

Back to the point.

I saw some scissors sticking out of the pencil case…

30 seconds later I was reaching round the back of the dress with the scissors trying to get a grip on the zipper.

You didn't think I was going to cut this…beautiful dress did you? God no! It would be such a waste of a lovely garment. It's simply the most gorgeous dress I've ever worn, don't you see how it shows off my figure? Perfect. (Not really, but I'd have to pay back the Drama council if I chopped this disgusting piece of clothing up…and those guys can be pretty pricey bastards when they want to be).

"OW FUCK!" I yelled dropping the scissors which had just impaled the back of my left wrist. I cursed again picking up my shirt to absorb the blood.

I glared at the irritating scissors that had caused this problem before I winced and dropped them on the floor, cursing like a sailo- like Motochika.

"Fuck…" I said removing the shirt from my wound to see a large gash from where the scissors had dug in…it looked pretty deep. That's just great…the next sketch is going to involve a blood depleted stereotypical alien farmer…I sighed, I still hated every single idea this show involved. …why was I doing this again? Oh yeah, to get my drama grade…

I hurriedly rushed into the bathroom, leaving a small trail of blood drippings behind, like a psychos Easter egg hunt.

However much I washed the cut, it just wouldn't stop bleeding. Becoming frustrated with the stupid bloody cut I tied my shirt round it. …sure I now looked like an even bigger douche than before, but I didn't care, at least it'll stop Edward Cullen tracking me down, eh?

And as I was washing my hands, I couldn't help but notice how the soap made everything…slippier…and easier to move…Surely I could use the soapy water to loosen the dress zipper…right? I glanced at the bathroom clock. 9 minutes till the hour of doom. …no…I'll have enough time.

I'll just try and take it off in the changing rooms…can't be that difficult…

6 minutes till the performance I crashed back into the bathroom, deciding that the only way to get the dress off was to use the soap and water on the zip.

About 30 seconds later I was stood underneath the hand dryer attempting to dry the massive soaking patch on my back, silently cursing this damned zipper. I was sure the soap would've worked…actually it only made the zipper harder to get a hold of…

I mean who the hell makes these things? Surely they would've made them easier to take off? Personally I blame the French for inventing the maid dress in the first place, but hey it's too late to go back in time and change it.

Focus Sasuke, focus…there's…5 minutes till the performance…FIVE MINUTES? Shit!

"Whoa…Sasuke is that you…?" I ran straight past Date, no time to talk to the arrogant fuck today.

…maybe that's a bit harsh…but I wasn't really in the mood to talk to him. And so I ran onwards!

To the person I knew wouldn't mind helping me! To the person who always has a smile on his face when he sees me! Yes, I knew he'd be only too happy to help me!

"Kojuro! I need your help to take this dress off cause the zippers stuck and I really need to get back on stage!"

Kojuro turned slowly at the sound of my voice, "Sasuke what do I keep telling you about interu-" he stopped mid-sentence as his eyes finally locked with mine.

He looked up and down…his eyes going wide…then narrowing…widening again, before he shut his eyes and shook his head. "What the hell are you wearing?" he breathed out eventually, looking at me with a totally confused expression and a light blush. Really, he's just too sweet.

"It's for Drama, please help?" I whined turning round pointing to the zipper bending over slightly…which looking back on it was also a mistake because that dress was actually _very_short.

"Ahem!" I looked up at the sound of somebody coughing into the stern eyes of our Math teacher Mr Tachibana.

And I suddenly realised with that horrible crushing humiliation. I had just walked into the library during a maths study session. All eyes round around the room were on me. From the gallery and all the tables around the room, people were staring and giggling to each other.

Mitsunari sniggered in the background, "Nice outfit Saturobi" he said smugly, while Ieyasu just looked away from me trying to save me some embarrassment. I blushed a little glancing back at Kojuro who just rolled his eyes at me smiling.

"S-sorry sir…" I said, the alliteration making me feel like a cartoon snake. Tachibana raised an eyebrow at me slightly before sighing in defeat like it was routine, well it was really…

"It's okay Sasuke…be careful next time…"

Ahhh, the amount of times I've heard that broken record. I bowed slightly, looking back up at him I saw the clock in the background. 4 more minutes.

Holy JesusGodChristMaryJoesph. Motonari is going to have me skinned. Alive.

Tachibana turned back to his class, who were now all chatting and stealing glances at my rather fetching outfit. Teacher sighed in defeat either realising that maths was actually a load of boring crap and everyone wants to go home or that the students were only likely to talk about French maids for the next hour, ignoring everything about maths.

"This session is dismissed, you're free to go…" he said in monotone, retreating to his desk. My eyes brightened, Kojuro is free to help me!

I looked back to him, to find his eyes were surprisingly already glued to me. He smirked as I began to open my mouth, "You don't half know how to pick bad timings do you?"

I just stuck my tongue out and ran over, pulling him up from his desk. "Please, just undo this zipper for me!" I said, pleading with puppy dog eyes. He had the nerve to hesitate.

"What do I get if I do help you?" he said staring evenly at me.

I looked back at him exasperated, "You get the incredible feeling of being a good Samaritan and saving me from certain death by Motonari" I answered snappily, "Now undo the zipper!" I instructed sternly turning round.

I heard him chuckle before he attempted to undo the zipper…although I didn't feel anything happening.

"What're you doing? Just un-zip it!" I hissed to him.

"I-…I can't it's stuck…" he replied.

Well fucking done Kojuro, you deserve a medal for that one.

"I know…it's stuck…" I said patronisingly, "I need you to undo it!" I spat mentally face palming. I could feel myself getting pulling back into Kojuro.

"Don't break it!" I said referring to how hard he was tugging on the zipper.

"I can't…get a grip on it…it's like somebody's put soap on it or something…" he said becoming frustrated.

I blushed furiously, I wasn't about to tell him I'd done that.

"Yeah…I had the same problem…" I muttered.

"Also…my fingers are too big for this tiny zipper…" he mumbled, making me feel a little more self conscious about my fleeting masculinity…not.

"Fine, I'll get Mitsunari to help!" I said about to dash over, when Kojuro caught my arm.

"No…" he said like a hero about to save the world, "I'll handle this…"

I stopped and sighed checking the clock…it read 3 minutes and my heart rate increased, as images of Mouri hunting me down with a chainsaw played in my mind.

"And how're you going to do that? Your fingers are too fat…like sausages…" I teased flicking his hand, as always his frown makes me laugh, knowing that I'm causing him stress….really I have issues with this obsession…

"I could use the pliers in the janitors room to get a grip on the zipper!" he said thoughtfully as I turned to look between him and the quickly depleting time limit. The Janitors closet wasn't too far away…

"Yes, all right then let's do that!" I said grabbing his hand and dashing out of the library. "We just got to hurry okay!" I said at top speed dragging him along the dim lit corridors and towards the janitors room.

"Hurry…open the door!" I said, ignoring the weird looks we got from some other maths students. Pushing him towards the door as he shot me a glare muttering, fumbling for the keys he has from being on the school council. Before walking inside, as I followed suit looking round the curious cupboard for signs of pliers.

"Okay…they should be around here…somewhere…" he said walking forwards, before picking up the pliers from an open toolbox. "Great you've got them!" I said turning round quickly so he could finally undo the zip and I could get this over with, just to see the door slam in our faces.

"SASUKE! YOU WERE MEANT TO HOLD THE DOOR!" Kojuro yelled dropping the pliers and running over to door, pulling on the handle like it was the only way out of a sinking sub.

I held my hands up in my defense, "You never said anything about 'holding the door'" I imitated him giggling. He turned round and ran a hand through his hair.

"What time do you have to be on stage?" he asked smugly.

2 minutes.

"OH GOD KOJURO HELP ME!" I said gripping to his collar with paranoia. "Motonari's going to gouge my heart out with a spoon…" I said shivering at the thought and the possible likelihood of that happening.

Kojuro blinked, "What? Why a spoon?" he asked.

"…because it'll hurt more…" I said in an extremely quiet voice before running over to the door to try it myself.

"It's no use Sasuke…the keys are on the outside…" he said, watching me struggle with the door, putting a foot against the wall and trying to use it as leverage. Eventually I gave up.

"What kind of fucking door locks from the _inside_?" I spat punching the door and instantly regretting it as pain soared through my knuckles. I shook my hand to try and relieve the pain.

"Well that was stupid wasn't it" Kojuro said rolling his eyes as I kissed my knuckles better.

"Shut up Kojuro. This is all your fault!" I spat, glaring at him from above my sore knuckles.

"Pfft. My fault? I really don't see how this is _my _fault!" he said shooting back a glare and folding his arms.

"You could've told me to hold the door!" I retorted.

"You were the one who wanted to get to the pliers!"

"It was your idea!"

"It's _your _drama exam!"

"…You have…SAUSAGE FINGERS!" I lamely yelled back blushing at my lack of decent comebacks before trying to open the door again. If I got us out now…I could still make it back in time for the exam…probably.  
>But as usual Kojuro had other ideas…<p>

"Stop it Sasuke, you'll break the door!" he said moving to stop me.

"No! I can get us out!" I argued, getting in the same stance as before, but this time with _two_feet against the wall and door for extra force. Yes! I could feel the door opening!

"Stop messing around!" Kojuro instructed trying to pull me off the door by my hips.

I started laughing, "Stop it…I'm ticklish…" I said trying to bat him away at the same time as trying to open the door with all my strength. This proved to be a bad idea when he poked my extremely sensitive sides and I let go of the door completely.

Sending us both crashing backwards- well mainly Kojuro because I fell on top of him - into a metal box on the wall. And suddenly everything went black.

We heard a lot of screams coming from the main theatre and corridors as I sat up on top of Kojuro.

"What the hell just happened…" I said rubbing my head, and looking round at the basic pitch black. The only other source of light was an extremely dim orange glow coming from the boiler.

And I think round about now…I suddenly realised where Kojuro's hand was…

"Somebody's a bit eager…" I said smirking in the darkness. I saw Kojuro turn his head the other way as his hand was quickly removed from my upper thigh.

"Y-your legs are shaven…and why the hell are you wearing ladies underwear?" he said, without any hints of laughter and I swear to God if there was a light in here I'd see him blushing.

"There was a whole sketch about it…beside it's not like I'm wearing a thong. It's just regulation pantomime dame undies, just chill…" I said laughing, I leaned in suddenly, "Would you like me to wear a thong?" I whispered in his ear, laughing my ass off when he pushed me off and shuffled away.

"Owww…" I said rubbing my knee. "You made me hurt my knee again…" I mumbled like a whiny kid.

"You think you got hurt!" he said, as the sound of metal being dragged along the ground was heard. "I landed on these fucking pliers" he said as I imagined him holding them up to the dim light.

I sighed, "Might as well take the dress off anyway…I think I'll have missed the scene…" I mumbled.

The stunned silence lead me to believe that Kojuro thought I was going to run round in the underwear.

"I have my long shirt with me! I wouldn't be half naked…if that's what you're so scared about" I replied tugging at the dress as it was becoming very hard to breathe in.

"Why do you have your shirt with you?" he asked bluntly.

"It's slowing the flow of blood from my wrist"

"Jesus, are you okay?"

"Oh yeah it doesn't hurt too much…it's kind of soothing"

"Oh my God…why did you do it?"

I paused for a second…did Kojuro actually think I self-harmed? …idiot.

"I accidentally cut the back of my wrist while trying to undo the zipper and the blood won't stop!" I explained, "Now please take the dress off…I just want to put my shirt on…"

He sighed, "I don't know Sasuke…can't you just wait?" he asked.

"But it's so un-comfy being a French maid…" I wailed, trying to get some air to my lungs in an over-exaggerated manor.

I think I may have _heard _Kojuro roll his eyes but nevertheless he stood up, "All right, come here…"

I grinned and bounced up so I stood in front of him. "Thanks Kojuro!" I said happily, to which he just grunted.

After several more minutes of swearing and fumbling in the dark, he eventually gripped the zip with the pliers. "Finally!" I said hearing the zipper come undone.

"Lights went out…that was weird huh Kojuro?" I asked, as the zipper finally went the whole way down. I took a large inhale of air, the restricting corset-like top not affecting me anymore. That almost felt as good as removing the shoes…almost.

"Yeah…I think we crashed into the fuse box…" he said looking away as I slipped the dress off. I sneaked up on Kojuro and rammed the dress over his head, laughing when he turned round with lace round his neck.

"Thanks Sasuke…" he muttered taking it off and throwing it to the ground, blushing again probably, cause of my half-nakedness…Well at this stage I was ¾ naked really. Only these weird dame undies were left on.

I was about to carry on teasing him when I heard a terrifying sound from outside the closet.

"I'm going to sort this out for myself!" Motonari shouted as I heard his fast footsteps moving down the hall towards us.

My eyes widened in horror as I looked towards the door, seeing two lights in the dark corridor…presumably from torches.

"Motonari, it wasn't my fault!" Motochika shouted back confirming who the second flashlight belonged to.

I panicked and leaped forward trying to find a place to hide, crashing into Kojuro. "HELP ME! HE'S HERE FOR MY HEAD!" I hissed gripping to him as a matter of life or death.

"Sasuke let go…you're choking…me…"

"And where did Sasuke go? He's lucky the lights went out because if they hadn't I'd have already throttled him for being so ludicrously late" Motonari said, as the footsteps stopped outside the door.

"KOJURO! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME!" I said hiding my head in the crook of his neck. "…my head's going to be on a pike outside the school grounds and the pigeons will slowly eat me…"

"Sasuke, stop it. You're too heavy to hold…" Kojuro said referring to the way I was pulling him closer to me in terror.

"If I ever find Sasuke he's going to get it" the keys started turning in the lock.

"…and then it two hundred years time people will dig up my skull and mock it saying; he was the cross-dressing maid who was late for rehearsal. AND MOTONARI'S CHILDREN WILL PLAY FOOTBALL WITH MY SKULL" I wailed, as Kojuro pushed me off him.

I slipped on the dress and grabbed Kojuro taking him down with me.

"Right Motochika, get in there and fix the lig-"

Two flashlights landed on one half-naked guy with his legs wrapped round Kojuro.

We both squinted at the lights, before realisation hit us and we instantly separated.

I covered my chest with my arms. "MOTONARI PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!" I cried launching myself at his ankles and begging for forgiveness.

Kojuro just stood there, red faced, realising he was holding the dress, he threw it behind him trying to look innocent.

Motonari looked from me to Kojuro to the fuse box to the pliers and back to me again, before crouching down facing me.

"Listen Sasuke. I don't want to know what the hell you two have been getting up to in here. But I do know you ruined my show…and consequently…" he paused as a sinister smile spread across his face, worthy of Satan himself, he let me get a good look at his devil's grin before he lent down and hissed in my ear;

"I'm going to have you spayed"

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><p><strong>A.N; <strong>I thought up this idea when I got my own dress zipper stuck. Fortunately I don't do drama and had all the time in the world to undo it :L But still it's quite stressful.  
>I'm not sure what else to say about this. It's just plain wierd...xDDD<p>

I hope you enjoyed it anyway c:


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